How To Make Yourself Irresistibly Attractive To Others!


attractive-people-funny-quotesForget love potions and magic spells, this is actually much, much easier than you might think. Many of us struggle with our own sense of attractiveness, and influences such as advertising and the mainstream media’s portrayal of beauty do not help. We are trained to think that “Because she is beautiful people are attracted to her, and because of that she is confident and happy.” We spend fortunes on clothing, makeup, hair do’s (and don’ts!), expensive restaurants and other gimmicks in an attempt to cover up our own insecurities and copy what we see in the media. Notice how everyone is making buck of this little charade? Everyone except you! In order to become genuinely and irresistibly attractive to others we need to rethink everything, flip it all on it’s head. We don’t need to be “beautiful” to attract people in order to become happy and confident. We must become happy and confident, which makes us beautiful and attractive to others!

How NOT to Attract Others

Grab your beakers and Bunsen burners and let’s do a little reverse engineering! In order to uncover the secret to being attractive to others let’s first work out what makes someone utterly UN-attractive. There are two basic attributes that will ensure un-attractiveness. These are a lack of self love, and desperation. Let’s take a closer look:

who-find-me-attractive-funny-picture-39598* Lack of Self Love: When we dislike ourselves it makes it very difficult for others to like us as well. When we are overly self deprecating, self pitying, self hating and so on we are really stacking things against ourselves! By not presenting anything to like about ourselves to friends, colleagues and potential love partners, we are basically acting as a person repellent. People want to like other people, but we have to give them something to like. And I don’t mean a bullet point list of skills and talents. If you like the way you smile it will come out in your smile and will be much easier for others to like as well. Simple stuff. When you really love yourself you are doing most of the work for everyone else. It’s much easier to love something that is already loved, than to take a risk on something that’s not. Basic human psychology. Oh and I don’t mean that you should become a self absorbed, narcissistic ego maniac. This might work well short term (many psychos and bullies are great charmers), but if you want fair, genuine and lasting relationships then it’s best not to come off as flaky and egoistic. Everyone should be loving themselves. Not just for the things we’ve done, but simply because we exist. We are born with innate worth and human dignity, which is totally lovable!

funny-pictures-auto-fry-is-not-sure-cute-466779* Desperation: This is the other most powerful person repellent known to man. When we are terrified to be alone, filled with fear and desperation, it shatters our confidence in ourselves and we virtually reek of Eau de Somebody Please Love Me! Until we learn to love and accept, not just ourselves, but our circumstance we will be mostly unsuccessful attracting others. The irony is that if you are looking for a lover or a partner, the quickest and easiest way to find one is to no longer want one! When you are genuinely satisfied to remain single you emit an air of confidence in yourself that others simple want a piece of. Suddenly it’s no longer up to you to prove yourself to a person of interest, it’s up to them to prove why you should bother coming out of happy single life to engage with them. Confidence is actually quite easy to fake. Walk up to anyone, say and do a few of the “right” things and eventually you will walk away with a phone number. Books like The Game will teach you that. But I’m talking about genuine, and ethical confidence. Learn to love yourself fully and learn how to be happy and content all on your own. These are the keys to attaining a genuinely attractive quality.

Always Do The Opposite!

attractive-quoteIn the classic Seinfeld episode George realizes that every choice he’s ever made has been the wrong one, and has resulted in disaster every time. Because of this he decides to always do the opposite of his natural inclination. He sees an attractive woman on the other side of the cafe, she glances at him and, instead of ignoring her like he usually would, he approaches her. Instead of trying to make himself sound cool and important he comes out with the truth “My name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents”, the woman smiles, turns and says “I’m Victoria, hi”. He’s got himself a date. This is of course a TV show but it’s not too far from the truth. Don’t always come off like you’re trying to impress. Be honest about your limitations and weaknesses. Lead with your insecurities. Be clear about what you do and don’t like, will and won’t do. People are attracted to someone who is honest and up front, who knows what they want and need.

Look Good

tumblr_mgdjfiKvdD1rrxo2mo1_500So I just got through telling how it’s not about hair do’s and makeup, well it is, a little. We don’t all need to look like Brad or Angelina, everyone has a best version of themselves. And it’s not to hard to attain. Shower, wear clean and well fitting clothes, tidy your hair or wear a nice hat. If you’re a guy shave your face, or grow tidy facial hair. If you’re a girl use the minimum amount of makeup possible. Don’t wear overbearing deodorants. Keep your finger nails trimmed. Looking good is not hard, and most of us look plenty good already. It’s just common sense. Some of us, however, could probably do with toning down the makeup, hair gel, deodorants and fancy clothes (remember desperation?). The cool thing though is that when we develop self love and genuine confidence we tend to take pretty good care of ourselves, including our appearance. So this should follow naturally on.

In Conclusion

attractive-hot-our-of-leagueIf you really want others to like you and be attracted to you, whether you’re looking for friends, lovers, partners or something else, you have to take your attention off the people themselves. Focus instead on learning non-judgmental and unconditional self love and acceptance. Work at making the best of being single or without lots of friends, learn to genuinely love it, like you’ve chosen it (trust me, many people actively choose single life!). Take care of your health and your appearance for you, not to meet people, just because you enjoy looking good. And finally always be upfront and honest in your dealings with people. Don’t make claims you can’t back up or try to make yourself sound better in some areas than you actually are. If you spend a good 6 months forgetting about people and instead focus on the four tenets of attractiveness, I guarantee you will see results. And who knows, after the 6 months you just might be digging your own groove so much you may not even want to engage heavily with other people. It’ll be up to them to convince you why you should abandon your happy single life. Always remember the four tenets:

* Love Yourself Unconditionally

* Love Your Life As It Is Right Now, Never Become Desperate

* Take Care Of Your Health And Appearance

* Be Honest and Authentic

Those are the keys to making yourself irresistibly attractive to others. It takes work and time initially, but it does get results. Not only will it make you more attractive it will, arguably more importantly, make you happier and more content with yourself and your life in general :)

Thanks for reading, all the best!

Rohan.

Related Articles:

Rohan Healy is the author of “Greeks to Geeks: Practical Stoicism in the 21st Century”“The 7 Things That Made Me Genuinely & Irreversibly Happy: And How They Can Do The Same For You” and Sci Fi Action/Adventure novel Gyaros: The Mice Eat Iron!

Click the book titles to visit their Amazon pages, read the reviews, and sample or purchase the books.

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75 thoughts on “How To Make Yourself Irresistibly Attractive To Others!

  1. Great post. I especially agree with the point about desperation. Not only when trying to find a significant other, but really in any endeavor in life. I find that the more desperate I feel about something (e.g., getting more traffic on my blog!), the less it happens. If I just relax, focus on the core reasons why I’m doing what I’m doing, and let everything shake out around me, without me squeezing the situation so tightly, it all works out much better. The same is definitely true of romantic attraction.

    • You’re so right, and this is something I need to remind myself of a lot of the time :) As soon as you stop stressing about the numbers or the outcome, and focus on the process, the things you have control over, you are instantly so much more at peace. And when you are at peace you do your best work and attract the best outcomes :) It just seems to be the way it works with regard to everything!

      Thanks for sharing your thought Rebecca, very good point :)

      Rohan.

  2. So it is all down to self love basically? (and not wearing overburdening deodorant :P) what if you don’t have that? (The love bit I mean) it isn’t something that you just snap your fingers and you have suddenly obtained oodles of it.

    • Couldn’t agree more, it takes work and time to foster self love and acceptance, it did for me anyway. What worked best for me was a combination of affirmations (I know, I know lol) like “I love and accept myself where I am right now”, studying and practicing Ration Emotive Behavior Therapy (check out this post: http://rohan7things.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/the-secret-to-unconditional-self-love-and-loving-others-too/) and meditation.

      Self love practice can be confronting and uncomfortable in the beginning. We’re challenging very old and suborn patterns of belief and behavior. Still, when we put in the time we can get the results. And even better than ending up with an abundance of potential relationships with others, we end up with a healthier relationship with ourselves.

      It’s no quick fix, but rarely is anything good and long lasting suddenly obtained. Sucks, but it’s the way it seems to be haha.

      Thanks for the comment mate :)

      Rohan.

    • Very true Athena, I agree :) If there is anything worth working towards in this life it is a greater love and acceptance of ourselves, without which it’s very difficult to love anything outside, or be deeply loved ourselves by others.

      Have a lovely weekend :)

      Rohan.

  3. I couldn’t agree more. I am never the prettiest girl in the room but I always get noticed because of my attitude. I am confident and positive and people like that. Beauty is the first thing that goes away so we should work more on our attitude. This one sticks with us forever.

    • Yes, the majority of our “beauty” is not on the surface anyway, but is tucked away in our attitudes, behaviors and personality :)

      Much better of fostering those than desperately trying to copy the models (who aren’t that nice most of the time anyway, too fake)

      Thanks for stopping by, have nice weekend Lavinia!

      Rohan.

    • Haha, yes. It’s certainly important to take care and responsibility for our own interests in order to be responsible when dealing with others :)

      All the best!

      Rohan.

  4. I’ve noticed the irony that so many people think that they have to desperately please the people they are attracted to by neglecting themselves. This post highlights the more important thing: self love, self care. SELF! Take care of yourself and people with do the same, Think that you are attractive by being self-confident and all the useful tips you mentioned and people will find you attractive as well.
    And a smile is a plus! :) Contagious… and attractive.
    Thanks for sharing!

    • Yes indeed! The most endearing quality in someone is their ability to care for and love themselves, it shows that they have the capacity to do so with others as well :) Neglect and loathing of the self tends to also be how they will treat others.

      And a smile is a definite plus, good thinking :)

      Have a great weekend Daph!

      Rohan.

  5. Love love this post, Rohan! :) its what’s inside that counts. Beauty is skin deep. I’m going to remember these tools and use them in my future life. I think I will need to remember them. Hugs Paula. Xxxx

    • Thanks Paula, glad you liked it :) Yes indeed, it’s so important to foster that feeling of self love and acceptance. Focus on that and the rest seems to work out pretty well!

      Hugs, have a lovely weekend :)

      Rohan.

      • Whoa! You lucky duck! Don’t think you’ll have to worry about bringing your winter jacket down there :)

        Looking forward to those photos!

        Have loads of fun :)

        Rohan.

      • I shall wear a dress! Lol I so couldn’t help downloading your book today! Plus 2 others you wrote! Lol. Now I have choices, I love choices!! LMAO
        Hugs me Irish buddy!! …. Paula xxx

      • Oh wow, very cool, they’ll keep ya busy, and hopefully be helpful and interesting for you too :)

        Have a great time, I’ll look forward to seeing that dress and some buildings that look like they belong on Carthage haha!

        Hugs :)

        Rohan.

  6. I swore this was going to be an advertisement for breast enhancement surgery or penile cream.

    I think the most important thing to remember is that no matter what you do, some people will never be attracted to you. Some people it takes no work, some it takes a lot. Be honest and authentic is your best piece of advice. I also think this was a little more geared toward men trying to attract women. It’s always good for a man to be a little more feminine and a female to be a little more masculine. By that I mean for a guy not to be some grunting idiot who talks about sports nonstop and for a female to be more than a wannabe housewife. The more complex of a person you are with passion and other nonsense, the more people will want to get to know you.

    • Mmmm, penile cream.

      But seriously yeah, being a guy it’s a bit slanted to the male side but I think most of this will work for both sexes. And also, as you pointed out, it’s not just for romantic relationships. Even when looking for a decent business partner you want to find someone who is confident, genuine, honest, knows how to take care of themselves and others.

      I agree. The macho thing for guys, and the hopeless princess for girls is not a great way to present yourself. Guys have a great capacity for listening and emotional expression if they choose to engage it, and women of course can be incredibly strong and independent.

      Haha, and yeah some passion and other nonsense can help too :)

      Rohan.

    • Haha, thanks! George is my life coach, well partly, I definitely subscribe to his “eating a block of cheese like an apple while watching TV in my underwear” philosophy!

      Thanks for stoppin’ by Katie :)

      Rohan.

      • Ha – I was a proofreader for another job I had – my boss and I proofed each other’s reports. I also had to learn to ‘write’ a report with a ‘dictiphone’ (sp) – so I had to get into the habit of talking like this:

        Hello comma, this is (cap D) Denise period. new Paragraph.

        Sometimes, if I wasn’t thinking, I’d leave a message on someone’s answering machine in Dict-o-speak.

      • Oh God, that’s funny. I hope you didn’t ever think internally in dict o speak, that would have been really annoying >.<

        I'm a pretty awful proofreader, I read my posts at least 3 times and things like ass flaky still make it in lol!

        Sounds like a horrible medical condition 0_o Haha.

        Rohan.

      • Haha, maybe Ass Flaky will be in the upcoming DSM-V. I think they’ve got us all in there somewhere ;)

        You can adopt Ass Flaky lol, you’re the one who found it :)

        Rohan.

      • Hahahahaha, don’t worry, you can’t catch Ass Flaky from doing that! And yeah, those doctors are the freakiest of them all ;) I’m with Sartre when it comes to the doctor/patient hierarchy lol.

        I have a few doctor relatives, one of them is the head of the psychology department of a certain major Australian city university. And let me tell ya, if that’s who they let write the DSM’s, well, I wouldn’t take it’s contents too seriously lol ;)

        They’re the weirdest of the bunch :) In the nicest way of course!

        Rohan.

      • Love the crazy too :) Did you sneak any of your own diagnoses in there? How about Jobism: Someone who is depressed on Monday mornings and manic on Friday evenings! Lol :)

        Rohan.

      • Actually, when I am in DC – I like to go on the Metro on Monday morning – everyone is so depressed… and then come Friday after work, everyone is so happy.

        I actually love my job and going to work in general – I don’t like to work more than 40 hours – but I do like what I do.

        I’m pretty sure my phobia to buttons is pretty wacky.

        I have some good posts about my crazy and the crazy that often comes to me – I’m a freak magnet.

  7. You happy ol’ dumpling! I could just quote that miss-most-annoying-fart-feathers from Wreck it Ralph right about now ;
    Ralph: You’ll win, and you know why? Cause you’re adorable !
    Vanellope: Cause I’m adorable !

    And my goodness, that second picture..I snickered in such a way my mother turned around to stare for a minute.

  8. I love this! This is exactly my way of thinking and I try really hard to make my 20 year old sister realise that self love is one of the most important things.
    Being newly single I am still getting to be completely happy being single but I am the happiest I have been in a long time.

    • Thanks Daile, glad you liked it :) After the breakup of a long (4 year) relationship in 2012 I spent 6 months reading, studying and working on this issue and boy did it pay off. My objective was to become happy alone before I started anything with anyone. It was really worth it :)

      Keep well, have a sunny weekend!

      Rohan.

  9. Great post, Rohan. You are such a compassionate fellow to share this advice. I am happily married, but I read your post as a way to live life. If you think about it, the four tenets you propose are a recipe for a loving long life: self-compassion, self-care, self-actualization, and be here now.
    Funny, but when I was reading your post I kept thinking about Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

    “isn’t this great?”
    Your list is much better, but hey, it’s a classic–at least in 1980s America.

    {{{Hugs}}} Kozo

  10. Glad you liked it Kozo. Absolutely, it’s so much more than for picking up lol. The funny thing is when you earnestly practice self love, self care and self acceptance, by the end you’re not too bothered if you are alone or with someone. And that’s when you’ve cracked it :) It of course works with all relationships from friendships to business partners as well.

    I like the 5 point plan haha. Sound about right. Reminds me, I was reading an online news article ages ago in which the government here was talking about their 5 point plan to end the recession (yeah, didn’t work). Anyway one of the comments said “Here’s my five point plan: beer, beer, beer, beer, curry.”

    I though that was hilarious lol!

    Have a great weekend buddy, hugs :)

    Rohan.

  11. Loved this! Love all the pics in between, too, but what you say is very valid. Yes, lack of self-love is a killer. It brings it all down.

    Wonderful piece.

    • Yup, exactly right. It takes time and courage but learning to practice self love and acceptance is really the only way to enjoy healthy relationships with others and ourselves :)

      Glad you liked it!

      Keep well, all the best :)

      Rohan.

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  13. This is a terrific post Rohan. One quick question – If like attracts like and we love being single won’t that mean we will only ever attract people who are happy being single?

    • Thanks :) Haha, that’s a great question. I think it’s the love itself that is attractive. When people see contentment, whether it’s a person who is content being single, or content being in a relationship, others are attracted to them. When we meet a person who is confident, with strong boundaries and a love and acceptance of themselves we tend to respect that and wish to be around them, regardless of relationship status.

      Like does attract like, and happy single people will tend to meet other happy single people for fun and friendship. However someone who displays genuine confidence and self love will be attractive to all sorts of people. “You don’t want or need to be in a relationship to feel happy and content? Wow, I could learn a thing or two from this person!” Haha, that’s how many others will perceive the truly happy singe person.

      So yes and no, the happy single person will attract and find friendship among similar people, however all kinds of people will be attracted to the confidence and contentment exuded by such a person :)

      I hope that makes sense haha!

      Keep well, talk soon ;)

      Rohan.

  14. Ohh awesome post – as always. This is very insightful and practical. Really, contrary to popular assumption, life doesn’t work from the outside in, but from the inside out…so absolutely, the way to be loved by others is to love ourselves. The outer will in time match the inner. People with genuine self love and self regard tend to radiate attractiveness and charisma and be a lot nicer to be around :)

    • Thanks Rory, glad you liked it :)

      Yes exactly, waiting and hoping for all change to come from our environment and circumstance is an exercise in futility. There is so much work that can be done just on our own to begin shifting the way we think and feel without the need for huge amounts of positive outside influence :)

      Keep well mate, talk soon1

      Rohan.

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  20. Hello Rohan

    I’m a little late but thank you for your article.

    I’ve recently gotten out of a relationship of many years with the woman I thought I was going to marry. Over the course of a month without her I’ve come to discover how unhealthy that may have been. I unfortunately have some attachment issues that have been lying dormant, and now a lack of deep friendships for this new way of life.

    I seem to have some personal demons to cast out before I’m truly ready to find a soulmate.

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