1. Find a bigger bully
2. Remove yourself from the bully’s area of influence
Some people would argue that there is a third option, confrontation. Yes you can go toe to toe with the bully either physically or verbally, but from my experience and studies this often simply makes things worse. As someone who is capable of feeling empathy and complex human emotion you are at a great disadvantage against a bully and more often than not straight confrontation will actually result in further and increased bullying and cruelty.
So let’s take a look at the safest options available to a target of bullying or abuse:
Option 1: Finding a bigger bully – This method essentially equates to “telling on” the bully or psycho to a higher authority. In a domestic situation this could include calling the police and reporting the abuse, or taking out a restraining order. In cases of bullying from beaurocracies or state agencies you could report the case to the ombudsman, and tell the agency in question that you are doing it. About 7 years ago I got out of the clutches of a very nasty social welfare officer by threatening to report a case of bullying to the ombudsman. I was amazed how quickly and efficiently the office moved to make sure I didn’t have to see that psycho again! In school approaching teachers or the principal can sort things out, however this can also backfire if the bully finds out you’ve told on them so do be careful!
* How to find the bigger bully – Every bully or psychopath has a point where it is no longer beneficial for them to target and abuse you. When looking for a bigger bully, you want to make it so that it is no longer easy and safe to bully you. Bullies are cowards and when it becomes dangerous to bully you, they will back off and look for an easier target. Bullying is nothing personal. So try to identify what would scare the bully into backing off, what authority could you approach that would ensure that the bully would no longer target you, and would leave you alone for good. Once you identify the appropriate authority contact them with your complaint, and ask for anonymity if possible, if it leads back to you, you could be in for even worse bullying.
* The dangers of using this option – This can be a dangerous tactic. If the report fails, if you tell on the bully but nothing is done about it you can be in for an even tougher time, especially if the bully knows it was you who attempted to report them. Sometimes the higher up you go the bigger the bullies get, even departments designed to protect staff or students can sometimes be filled with nasty people who could side with the bully! If the bully is brought before the authority he/she will cry, lie and manipulate the situation as much as they can, playing the victim and making you out to be the bad guy. This tactic is not without serious risks, tread with care and make sure the authority is powerful enough to really get the bully to back off for good.
So that’s option 1 for getting bullies and psychos out of your life. As I said I’ve had some success with this in the past, it’s a good last resort if you really can’t do anything to simply get away from the bully. But as stated it does come with risks so be careful.
Option 2: Remove yourself from their area of influence – The safer, and in my opinion, better option is to simply get the heck out of there. To remove yourself from their reach. In school this could mean moving to another school, or even doing home schooling if it is allowed where you live. I did home schooling for a number of years myself due to being targeted and bullied by a teacher in primary (elementary) school. In the case of workplace bullying this would involve changing jobs, or positions if possible. And in the case of interpersonal or relationship bullying this would involve leaving the person and blocking them from contacting, or seeing you.
* How to remove yourself from the bully or psycho – When thinking of removing yourself from the bully it’s a simple matter of working out what you would need to do in order to make it so that the bully cannot bully you. If you are in school you will need to talk to your parents and make it clear to them that you dread going to school because of a bully, and that you wish to change schools or do home schooling. If you’re lucky your parents will take you seriously and help make the changes necessary. In the case of workplace bullying you will need to consider leaving your job. Make whatever plans and preparations you need to and then hand in your resignation and get out of there. If it’s a friend, partner or family member that is perpetrating the abuse then you’ll need to move out (if you live with them) to a safe place, change your locks (if applicable) and phone numbers, block them on social media, or go off social media entirely for a while. If the psycho tries to force their way back into your life then contact the police and get a restraining order.
* The dangers of using this option – You will lose something with this option, there is always a cost to bullying. You may lose friends, a high paying job, money, possessions, a house and so on. However what you are guaranteed to lose by staying in the situation is your physical and mental health, your joy and happiness, your sense of future and perhaps even your life due to suicide or abuse. Removing yourself from the bully is the safest option, but don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s pain free. There will be a cost but the feeling of waking up in the morning filled with hope and safety and joy is absolutely priceless, take it from me ;)
I also think of a great saying I once heard on the subject “When it comes to getting away from bullies, psychos and abusers, it’s not about what you’ve got left, it’s about what you’ve gotten away from”
And so whether you are dealing with a bully right now, if you know someone who is, or if you have been bullied in the past I wish you luck. There are times when we simply have to put up with a cruel and indecent person, and there are times when we have the opportunity to do something about it. But either way always remember that you have been targeted for bullying because you are smart, or unique, or different, or sensitive, or creative, or inventive, or caring. Your existence makes the bully insecure which makes you a target, but it is they who are the real loser, they who cannot feel complex emotions, they who cannot enjoy the beauty and joy of others, they who live in a constant state of excruciating insecurity.
And finally it is they who decided to abuse, hurt, taunt and hate, not you. You cannot be implicated in the misdeed of a bully or psycho. No matter how crappy it is to be bullied, it’s still better than being a bully yourself.
Good luck everyone, was the info presented here is useful and helpful? Care to add anything? :)
All the best
- The Easiest Way To Know If You, Or Someone You Know Is Being Bullied!
- Boundary Setting: 3 Steps To Creating & Enforcing Strong Personal Boundaries!
- The Kindness Test: How to tell if someone’s cruel or kind
- The Dangers of Positive Thinking! How Looking on the Bright Side Can Keep You in the Dark!
Click the book titles to visit their Amazon pages, read the reviews, and sample or purchase the books.